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You know how mothers are often told, with all loving intentions, from people who love them: "You can't pour from an empty cup"?

(Often said to a younger mum urging her to take a day off to fill up her reserves.)

Ever heard that one? I've heard it often. And for the longest time I took it at face value as great advice, because it makes so much sense right?

I mean mathematically, it does. If I have zero units, I cannot give any units away. My family requires so many units, so I must go myself fill up with that many units, and best case if I can hoard more to spare.

But one day, in between episodes of The Chosen (such a good series!), pondering about how Jesus carried out his ministry and reflecting on how I'm carrying out my ministry of motherhood, I stopped to look deeper and wonder:

Is this advice actually biblically sound?

Okay so before I dissect the above, first a backstory and a confession. (When do I ever not give you context, right?)

I have always been prone to burnout. Like, even before I became a mum.

And for years and years I kept trying to fix it.

In corporate, I tried the productivity stuff so that I could do more without the exhaustion. I tried waking up at 5am (purportedly the CEOs do this), Notion, bullet journaling, morning pages... And I tried finding work life balance, like taking vacations, joining nature walking groups, desperate to find a sense of peace amidst the latent anxiety I was always feeling at work.

Then in motherhood, I encountered the mum version of the same problems. No matter how much sleep I managed to get, or how many breaks I scheduled for myself as a "mum's day off", I was always exhausted. I can't even count the number of times I broke down and cried, desperate to try and get my life together. Desperate to stop being in this state of burnout.

So I turned to external fixes. I tried to fix my constantly feeling drained and overwhelmed through productivity hacks and other things every internet motherhood expert said to do. I thought it must be a time management issue. If not, a homemaking issue. If not, a husband issue (heh). You name it, I've tried it. I tried self-care days. Therapy. Massages, facials, shopping. I decluttered my home and Marie Kondo'd everyone's wardrobes. Touched grass (i.e. got out in nature more). Raised the expectations for my husband to chip in more (than he already was).

Because everyone was saying the same thing: "You can't pour from an empty cup. Go get refilled, and you'll come back ready to pour out again." Makes sense?

So you see, I kept trying to fill my cup.

But I still kept. running. out.

It took me a really really really long time to realise this: I was applying the wrong solution to a misdiagnosed problem.

It's not about managing my time, though it's wise to do so.

It's also not about the state of my house, though it's good to make a habit of keeping it tidy.

It's also not about how much my husband does, though more hands on deck is always welcome.

The Bible gives us a really clear picture of how we can lead fruitful lives... and yet not drain ourselves dry to the point of burnout. And it gets to the core of the issue.

Just not an image of cups.

Scripture gives us an image of a tree, planted by streams of living water. Whose leaves do not wither. Bears fruit in season. It says people who walk in God's way and meditate on God's law day and night are like that tree, and everything they do prospers. (See Psalm 1:1-3)

“We don’t have a rest problem. We have a rootedness problem.”

Wow, I would love to have everything I do prosper.

Jesus said that He is the vine, and we are the branches. That apart from Him, we cannot do anything. And that if we remain in Him, we will bear much fruit. (See John 15)

Yes, I'd love to bear much fruit.

See the problem with a cup image is that a cup needs to be refilled, again and again.

But a tree just needs to stay rooted.

When we talk about being rooted, we're addressing a heart issue.

The correct diagnosis would be to look at the internal matters, not just the external quick fixes.

Who do we turn to as our source of sustenance?

What do we lean on for wisdom and strength?

Often, when we lament the tiredness of everyday mum life, we don't actually have a rest problem*, because then we would all go take a long nap and be rid of our exhaustion. It's the rootedness problem we need to address.

*A caveat: that doesn't mean we don't take care of ourselves physically. Our bodies are temples (see 1 Corinthians 6:19).

What are we planted in (or plugged in, for a more contemporary metaphor) that we think will keep us filled up?

Entertainment and social media?

Achievement, ambition, success, wealth?

Self-care and wellness practices?

Our husbands and children meeting our expectations?

Keeping our lives and homes looking aesthetic so we can "romanticise" motherhood?

Dear sister, unless we learn to stay rooted in Christ, nothing else in this world will strengthen and sustain us for the long road and challenges of motherhood.

Quick fixes help soothe some, but they're still not getting to the root of the issue (gettit).

So don't just get rested, mama. Get rooted.

You know I'm rooting for you. (terrible pun intended)

Scriptures to chew on

John 15:4

[4] Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. (ESV)

1 Corinthians 6:19–20

[19] Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, [20] for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. (ESV)

Psalm 1:1–3

[1] Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; [2] but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. [3] He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers. (ESV)

Put it into action

Make a list of things you can do that are not simply restful, but that help you get rooted in Christ as well.
Choose one from the list to do this week 🌱

DID YOU FIND THIS HELPFUL?

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How to be fruitful in motherhood without burning out

Scriptures to chew on

Put it into action

About the Writer

Hi, I’m Samantha

How to be fruitful in motherhood without burning out

Scriptures to chew on

Put it into action

About the Writer

Hi, I’m Samantha

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