A Mother’s Calm in Busy, Messy Seasons
Motherhood is rarely quiet.
I mean…even when it is, your mind (like mine) probably isn’t. There’s always another laundry load to fold, another meal to prepare, another schedule to manage. And if you juggle a job of some kind somewhere between all this, you’ll know the balancing act it takes to switch between work and home responsibilities, without letting the demands and stressors of one spilling into the other.
But I believe this deep in my heart: in every busy, messy season, our personal peace and ability to keep calm doesn’t have to disappear. It can be cultivated — through planning, creating margins on purpose, and building rhythms of routines and rest.
I’m not writing as someone who has mastered all of these! These are the things I’ve tried along the way of trying to cope with my own episodes of breakdowns and burnout, and I know they work. My challenge, personally, is to be consistent in practicing what I’m about to share, so I’m figuring all this out with you.
But enough about me. Let’s dive in, shall we? I’ll begin with rhythms.
Life-Giving Rhythms
Calm doesn’t come from clearing the calendar, unfortunately.
I wish it were as simple as that. I’d wipe everything out in a heartbeat if you told me that would guarantee me instant blissful calm. Rather, it grows from cultivating rhythms that bring breath to your soul.
Daily rhythms:
How you start and end your day matters, and makes all the difference.
Mornings: If you can, begin your own morning before the family wakes (disclaimer: I struggle big time with this — after all these years, I’m still not a morning person). Also, consider what you first consume at the start of the day. Rather than consuming the noise of social media, exchange checking your phone for something more grounding and life-giving, like a short prayer, a gentle stretch, cuddling the kids, or a quiet breakfast prep routine. Whatever you do, start only what you can sustain. It gets overwhelming quickly if you try to overhaul and make big changes to your morning routine.
For me, my current repeatable routine looks like this: put away dry dishes, make coffee, prepare breakfast, Bible and journal.
Evenings: How we end the day is just as important as how we begin the day. As we wind down the day, we signal our brains and bodies that the day is over, and that gives us the opportunity to slow down our thoughts, put away our unfinished to-do’s, release the pressures of the day off ourselves, and look forward to start over a fresh new day.
Something my husband and I do together is to wind the house down gradually - “close the kitchen” by washing dishes and putting appliances away, dim house lights, everyone takes turn to have a shower, then the family gathers in my toddler’s room for bed routine with my toddler, we enjoy reading a book together, chit chat a little, then end the day in simple thanksgiving and prayer.
Weekly rhythms:
Differentiate weekdays from weekends so your family (and you, too) can exhale. Perhaps Saturday mornings can be slow breakfasts, or let Sundays be no-plan Sabbath days. Let your week have a predictable pulse of work and rest, hustle and hush.
Try anchoring recurring events like grocery runs or visiting grandparents on the same day each week. This makes scheduling easier, and the predictability and familiarity of the rhythm gives us a greater sense of stability
Seasonal rhythms:
Experience the passage of time within a year intentionally, as opposed to speeding through and wondering where all the time went. Mark your calendars for birthdays, holidays, and anticipate when there will be periods of lull and periods of stretch. Every season carries its own load. For example, if November to December is your busiest stretch with gatherings and travel, plan to slow down elsewhere: fewer playdates, hiring ad hoc home cleaning services, simpler meal plans. You cannot do everything and be everywhere all at once all year round.
Automated Routines
I cannot tell you enough how decision fatigue and mental load are such persistent thieves of our calm and sanity. We can get rid of these symptoms by automating recurring tasks.
Ask yourself:
Do I have a system for meal planning and groceries, or am I scrambling to pull together dinner at 5pm each day, and making last minute grocery runs?
Are there predictable mealtimes that help everyone know what to expect – when to put away toys, what time to be home for dinner?
Do we have SOPs (Standard Operating Procedures) for recurring chaos moments, like bedtime transitions, leaving the house in the morning, right down to the nitty-gritty sequence of loading and unloading the baby and stroller in the car?
Small systems and protocols like these free up mental bandwidth so that we’re not so maxed out all the time making the same types of decisions every day. The more we can let things run automatically, the more we have room to breathe.
Margins On Purpose
Do you go from one thing to another without pausing? Try building transition margins. For example, if you have to leave the house for school pickup at 11.30am, stop work by 11. Let yourself reset your mind before stepping into the next task or the next role.
Leave intentional white space in your schedule by resisting the temptation to try and squeeze in “just one more” task. Let the things you’ve ticked off your to-do list today be good enough, and come back to whatever was undone the next day. Release the undone to the Lord.
Define boundaries for yourself, like how many social commitments you can tolerate in a week before you start feeling your social battery being drained. How many work projects can you take on before you begin to steal time from your rest and stay up late to finish work?
Margins are not too luxurious or lazy for a busy mum like you (and me)… it’s key protection for y(our) peace.
Your Reset Toolbox
Have you ever figured out what actions help you calm down when overwhelmed or triggered? If you can define a list, you’ll have a quick-access kit for when overwhelm sneaks in.
Here are some suggested small but powerful resets you can try:
Put on worship music and listen to the lyrics, without multitasking
Make yourself a drink or snack and have it – without needing to pick up your phone
Wash your face with cold water, literally calms your nervous system
Lie down for a few quiet minutes (yes the world – and your kiddo – can wait)
Journal your thoughts, especially to offload whatever’s draining you
Practice micro stillness even when moving around the house: 30 seconds of silence while folding laundry, hearing the sounds of your environment, feeling your breath
In Closing
When motherhood feels like a non-stop whirlwind, how does the mother reclaim her calm? It most certainly won’t appear on its own, and if the mother continues in default survival mode, she is certain to burn out (ask me how I know). Calm can and needs to be cultivated, in the pre-emptive choices we make each day, and the systems we set up before we even reach the eye of the storm.
If you feel like you just can’t get a grip, and you’re not sure where your peace is leaking, I’ve created something to help. It’s called “The Calm Audit Workbook” – a simple reflection worksheet to help you uncover where your days feel stretched thin, and how to gently mend those gaps to save your peace.
Go to the link here to grab your free copy, pour yourself a cup of something warm, and take a few minutes to find your way back to calm, even in the messiest, busiest seasons.
A Prayer Before You Go
Precious Lord,
You see the weight I carry everyday. You see the invisible lists, the endless giving and serving, the restlessness of this city life that never quite stops. Today, I choose to lay them down before You. Calm my anxious thoughts. Remind me that I am safe in Your care, even when life feels out of control. Grant me wisdom to order my days and be disciplined so that there may not be a way for more chaos to sneak in. Let Your Spirit fill my home with peace, and teach my heart to rest in You.
Amen.
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About the Writer
Hi, I’m Samantha
I’m a stay-home-working mum to a toddler son and a handful of plants I’m trying to keep alive. I’m also a proud and grateful wife to a gentle nerd #ITsupportforlife.
As a former teacher and church worker, I have a heart and passion for journeying with others — currently through my work at The Hearthmakers, where I share faith and motherhood content on simple living, savouring little joys, and staying rooted in Christ in the early motherhood years.
Follow along for more stories of everyday mum life in sunny-city Singapore, reflections on faith, and occasional glimpses into my creative pursuits!
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